Exception, Acception

People always say
Everyone is good except me
Everyone has better life except me
Everyone has no problem except me
Everyone fits right in, except me

Why do we except ourselves from all things that are good
and associate ourselves with negative things instead?


*

Sometimes, I feel that I am an exception from everything good.
Sometimes, I feel that the sun doesn't shine on me a lot.
Sometimes, I feel that life is not fair at all.

Then, I realize how stupid is it to be worried over something that is not true
Why should I try to fit in when I could stand out?

People talk, a LOT.
This world is filled with sad, lost humans who just couldn't mind their own business.
Even 'close' friends gossip/back-stab about you, no matter how nice you are to them, they talk.
At the age of 20, I have seen more than enough of these crap.
I have grown tired of all the bullsh*t and leave these horrible humans who can't even fake appreciation.

Of course I have my time of worrying about my weakness, but it doesn't mean I need to stay in that phase forever.
Whenever I felt that I am an exception, I took some time off from my busy life and rest.

Think about how much I have journeyed, then pity myself for the bad things I have been through:
Perhaps a few bad friends
Sometimes a bad experience
Maybe a bad breakup
Or a pinch of bad luck at times

It's okay, I pity myself, I don't need your sympathy.

Then think about how many good things that I have in my life so far.
When you've been through the bad stuff, you'll know what the good stuff are.

I'm so glad that I have some I could call true friends instead of the old ones I don't enjoy being around with.
I'm so lucky to have someone who would give me hugs and calls when I tweeted something emotional.
I'm so glad to have someone who will be angry for me when I'm being bullied, even when I'm not angry at all.
I'm so damn happy to have friends who would drive all the way from PJ to my house just so we could hang out, sometimes just to check if I'm alright.
Yes, you guys, you know who you are.

As time goes by, I have accepted that I am flawed.
I am indeed an exception, everyone is, in fact.
When everyone is saying one, I want to try two.
When everyone is being unhappy, I want to be happy.
When everyone is busy chasing after acceptance, I give it to myself.

Because you know, the ultimate acceptance is accepting yourself as who you are.
Accept the fact that you may not be as strong as others in certain field
Accept the fact that you are sometimes better than the others
Accept the fact that you can improve, you are not the best.

You don't have to pretend that things are okay
Things fall apart sometimes, we can't control that, it's not our fault nor life being unfair
You don't have to think that you are worst compared to the others
Humans are meant to be different to add more colours, cultures, food and voices to this world
You have to know that only by learning, we can go further
If you're not constantly learning, you will never improve.

Only by then, you'll know your weaknesses, your strengths
and make adjustments, improve yourself
to become someone you would accept more than the 'you' now.

When the others talk about you, filter the message
Learn to understand the difference between a useful criticism and plain hatred
Then don't give them another chance of criticizing you in the same way.

Yes, maybe today I am a bad exception
It does not necessarily mean that I am still a bad exception tomorrow.

Maybe tomorrow, the day after, the next month or the next year
people will say:
Everyone is okay, except her, she is above average
Everyone is nice, except her, she is more than you could ask for
Everyone is busy asking for opinions, except her, people ask for her opinions
Everyone is lost in life, except her, she knows exactly what she wants

I want to be that person, who could still smile after a bad storm, a bad day or the worst year.

Perhaps life is not good today, or you have not perform well today
Accept it as it is, because we can't go back in time.

You can be the better exception tomorrow ;)

Emotional

So.....I've finally completed my unfinished task 2 years ago
Which is to join the Famine 30 hour camp with my friends

I was too busy to feel anything then, but I really want to be emotional now.

*

First, I'm very very sad about the recent MH17 incident.
I was checking the news in a coffee shop, hoping they have landed somewhere else

When I got home,it's confirmed. It was shot down.

Now, let's not talk about who shot down the plane.
298 humans, living, breathing humans were shot down along the plane.
Those were innocent people eager to go home, travel, to meet their families and loved ones.

Some of the victims are actually friends with my own friends.
I cried so hard, and felt so sorry for the victims just by watching the news.

I don't know about you, but I'm easily affected when someone is sad or in pain.

Just yesterday, I received news that my high school teacher passed away due to cancer.
I knew that she was diagnosed with cancer for a while now, but I've always thought that a strong woman like her can win the battle.
She did not.
I couldn't stop being sad.

Then, I thought about how lucky I am, but immediately sadden by the fact that people can leave at anytime.

These news make me wonder:
Am I only a temporary guest in your life?
Am I nothing but a mere props in your life?

...Will I be missed, if I'm gone?

*

You see, life is a delicate, beautiful and fragile wonder.
It takes without giving notice and may surprise you at times.

Knowing that it's limited
You want to live fully.
Study, meet your love,get a job,get a car,get a house,have a family & live happily ever after.

Then there's me.
I think the most inspiring thing you can do in life is that you make someone feel better.
It's a tiny thought, but hear me out.
To make your life a little brighter, to let you know I'm here
I will listen, I will share, I would give my heart & let you know:

"You know what? Life isn't that bad after all!"

If I've made you feel that way, I've accomplished my goal.
However....will you remember me?
When you found new friends, met your love interest, or got a new life...
and slowly blend into other circles and have no time for the past.

Will you remember me?

Will you remember someone, who will rush to your side when you need help
To listen to your untold stories & never judge
To share your happiness and sadness
To give you a sense of belonging

That someone who was with you in the dark, help you find the light, and get you out?

I really don't know.
I will always remember you though.

Because I know, for a short while,
I was your friend
I was your fan
I was your family
I was your only way out
I was the light.

But lights, they fade, they will be out of power and burn out if unattended.

Some day, if I burn out, will I be easily replaced?

I can only hope, you bring lights, into other people's hearts.
That's all I ask.

*

People often asked, you don't look like the type who will worry a lot and be sad, why this?

You know what, I've kept my distance so well that you can only see my smile, yet not the fear & tears.

I want my friends to be good, to live well, to never worried about me.

If you don't miss me, I don't blame you. I don't want to see sadness on your face.
I am just a tiny dust in this universe, trying to make a difference.

Again, my heartfelt condolences goes out to everyone who has someone on MH17 that they missed dearly.

Being me

*insert opening line*

*

June has been really good to me

I got a new iPhone from my godfather
I watched a live concert with my classmate
My baby doll gave me 8 healthy puppies

.......but I still manage to be depressed somehow
I know,I'm so stupid
That's the thing you have to experience when you're being me

Okay, I was feeling very out of my own life lately
Is it good to feel sorry and depressing at times?
Because I think I'm doing it almost everyday

I don't get very close,and I mean really,really close with a lot of people
even when they welcome me with open arms

I like climbing rocks, swimming, jogging, playing with my dogs etc,etc........Alone
or I just haven't found any friends who would love to do these things with me
Sometimes, I really wished there is someone or some friends who can share these with me
When my friends with a different interests talk, I can't join in any of the conversations
...more like, I don't feel like joining in.

That's an entirely different world, I don't even have the basic interest to see how does it look like.
So, when my friends talk, I'm awfully quiet, sometimes I will leave them there.
but they have never really noticed me
They don't even know that I'm gone.

I don't blame them. I choose not to step into their world.
I am not important to them.
That concludes my life.

I think everyone doesn't care about me or even think I'm there.
Maybe they do, maybe they are just too busy.

I have my own best friends (I don't live 20 years without making a few real friends lol)
Still, I wished there's someone nearby who could make a strong connection with me
because a lot of my close friends live far away from me or have their own life too.

To experience being ignored and unimportant again....No, thank you.
So, yea, I can be everything you want me to be, but you don't know me.
Or maybe because I don't share anything myself too.

What the heck, I don't belong.
I like to climb hills, jog, take photos, sleep and write.
Just be alone with your dogs, Carrot.
Oh...I talk to myself a lot too /__\

insert my inspiration of being a better person-Kevjumba
who has recently went to a high school he funded to live with the locals
Well,life isn't that hard when humans like you exist <3 comment-3--="">

and my obsession with YouTubers,particularly Kevin.
Okay, closing time.

Missing.

Something has been missing since that day.
We went on a journey to find it back, separately.

*

I like relationships.
I'm very in love with the idea of having someone who would understand you, hold you and love you.
Just the way you are.*insert Bruno Mars voice*

I have this weird mindset
If I like something in the beginning, I would love it til the end.
If I have never tried, I wouldn't try unless there's some super valid reasons.

I wonder if it's a bad thing to have
To never forget your first favorite drink, food and love.
To stay faithful and loyal to the things you love.

Because my heart is wrenching.

I miss being hold like I'm still 5 years old
I miss having my cheeks kiss when it's time to go
I miss giving you confidence when you said you're low
I miss getting calls from you when it's night time
I love your morning messages
I love your bad choice of words
I love everything, anything from you.

I miss when you are not missing out from my life.

*

You are not my puzzle piece, I know that.
Still, something is missing after you left.

I wished I could delete this mindset of mine.

So I can forget, move on and have a wider sight of this world.
Have a look around, forget that I have ever met you

...but then, I would never forget.
I don't want to forget.

I just have to stay strong
I will continue my journey,even if you are missing.

Even if I am alone.

Midnight thoughts.

When the night comes,my thoughts just couldn't stop.

*

It's 0000
It's raining

I'm still thinking.

I couldn't sleep
I couldn't eat
I couldn't do anything except for drowning myself in music.

I'm not sure what am I feeling, nor am I really feeling anything.
This is so confusing

I kept smiling, because that's all I can manage

I wonder if I am tearing inside, or screaming and crying

Yes, I'm a jolly person
I know no sadness and anger
That is me on the stage.
Throw your anger and sadness towards me all you want
I will take them all like a good parent would
I will listen to them like a good friend would

Then, you will see my smile, get my hug and telling you "It's going to be okay"
You thought, I'm so optimistic and carefree.

Well, I am positive and cannot be bothered with problems.
Who doesn't fall and make mistakes in life?
All you have to do is move on, walk, run, or crawl if you have to.
Yet, I am hiding under a tree, helping people up, and never really tried to move forward.

Every now and then, I lock myself up in my room,
Just sitting in the corner, doing nothing.
I cry whenever I remember something in my past.
I can be totally silent for more than 1 hour.
Thinking all of my past repeatedly
Asking myself " Why? " again and again.

I have a very low self-esteem
Even if I frequently joke about how good I look, how well I care as a friend
I still tell myself "I don't worth their time."

You will never know how different I can be.

I know how it is to be abandoned by good friends
I know how bad people will feel if you're being left out
So, I tried to include everyone in my activities

But I'm never really close with anyone mentally, except for a few best friends I have.
Still, I don't share anything deep with them
I couldn't take it if someone betrays me, I could never take the pain of being left out there alone...again.
During my down time, I ask and ask.

"All I want is to be friends with you, how could you?"
"Why do I have to share my feelings with you, if you are going to use it against me?"
" Why...? "

Then, being born with a bigger size as a girl (well, compared to a normal Malaysian girl)
Made me felt very insecure about my looks

"Boys just treat you as a boy"
"I look so awkward with all these pretty girls"
"Why do I have to be this big?"

" Why? "

If you are my new friends, this is very hard to believe
Maybe some of my old friends will find this hard to believe, too
Then again, I will never want to burden anyone with my suffering.

I like drowning in my own sad world sometimes, crying, quietly, not disturbing anyone.
For 1 hour, or longer if I'm really in the mood.
Then pull myself together as soon as someone needs me.

"I just want to treat you the way I want to be treated."
I kept whispering to myself
"You will never know how much your smiles,hugs and love worth to someone else."

If my smile brightens your day, please, smile at others.
If my silliness makes you laugh, then remember life isn't always so serious.
If my hug comforts you, hug someone you love, hold them tight and don't let go.
If my patience impresses you, try listening to someone's problem, everybody needs a listener sometimes.
If my words give you confidence, please don't harm people with words.
If my love is too much for you, take them away, spread them to others.

Don't be bothered with my sadness, I'm good like this.
I am good, being alone.

Oh...midnight can do a lot of things to me.